This post has taken me quite a while to write, mainly because I find it to be a topic that is difficult to talk about but I thought I would share my story as it may help anyone who is going through Bullying or you may even be able to share your stories with me.
If you are going to read this post - I suggest you get a cup of tea or coffee, a few biscuits and a comfy chair because this could be a long post.
I'll start from the very beginning. I started playground at the age of 2 and I liked playgroup a lot, I liked the interaction and all the fun things I got to do. I remember that this boy didn't particularly like me and so he decided to push me over and take all the toys I was playing with. At that age I didn't think anything of it, I was only little and it didn't really bother me. Overall though I loved playgroup and went from 2 years old till I was 3.
At the age of 3 I started Nursery, this was the start to my primary school journey and wow was I in for a rocky ride. I loved Nursery, I went full time, all day, every day Mon-Fri. We used to do painting and cards and reading and it was all good fun. I remember one day - I was playing with a kitchen set - it was all wooden and I put my fingers in the "washing machine" to get things out and a boy came and slammed the door on my fingers, he trapped my fingers and I remember crying. Overall though, Nursery was a very pleasant time for me and I loved the fact that I was in blue group and I had a Daisy on my badge. I also had a Winnie The Pooh Bag, how cool was I? Haha!
Then I went into Reception - this was when I got to know half the people I know now. I really enjoyed Reception and I got on with most people, I really loved my Reception teacher too, she was so kind to me. While in Reception I got dared to cut my hair off and at that point in my life I had hair down my back, it was probably down to the bottom of my ribs. I cut all my hair off, to just below my ears and boy did I get told off for that. It took years for my hair to grow back too. I still get tautened by people for doing this.
In Year 1 I settled in well, I liked my teacher. I liked most of the people in my class because it hadn't changed but I remember this one particular day. I wanted a pair of scissors because we were doing art and this other girl wanted scissors and so we ended up arguing over this pair of scissors and then this boy (who I secretly think fancied the other girl) snatched the scissors, opened them up and cut my wrist open. I still have a scar from this - that I will have for life. He then gave the scissors to the other girl and sat all smug. I then had to go to a teacher who had a really big go at this boy but either way I didn't win. I also cried too much.
At this point in my life everything started to get worse with things. It wasn't just the children that bullied me at primary but it was the members of staff - dinner ladies and teaching assistants.
I remember this one time, there was this bench that everyone kept tripping near and really hurting their knee. Well I was one of them and I fell really bad. I cut my knee open, got all grit in it and it stung so bad. I obviously cried because it hurt and all I got from the teaching assistants was "stop being a baby" there was blood running down my leg and for a 6/7 year old to see that, it isn't nice.
In Year 2 that was when some of the staff was really horrible to me, they used to single me out and punish me for things I hadn't done. All of my teachers at my primary were lovely to me, just other members weren't. The dinner ladies used to laugh that I was on my own and my confidence just dipped to a new low.
In Year 3, I gained new friendships and was optimistic about school. Until I started to get bullied. This is when it all began properly and it was the worse thing ever. I started getting bullied by this one particular girl, she still has digs at me now but I am a stronger person. She bullied me from Year 3 to Year 9. She used to cause arguments between me and my friends, get all my year group to gang up against me and she used to call me names. She was a teacher's pet then and she still is now. I must admit in Year 3 and 4, yes she bothered me but the teacher's just told us to be "nice". I wanted peace but she obviously didn't. It got worse and worse and worse and the dinner ladies were starting to gang up on me, they never listened to my side of the story and was biased towards her. They used to sit and point the finger at me and call me "the horrible child".
In Year 5, not only did I get bullied by this one particular girl, had all the dinner ladies against me and most of my year - I then started getting bullied by 4 other girls that were in the year above me. They were really intimidating and they scared me. They used to pick on me when I walked into the dinner hall, they used to call me "yoghurt girl" just because I had yoghurts in my pack up. They used to shout abuse at me in the playground and they threatened me a few times. I remember one time I sat in the toilets all dinner and both of my break times crying, just so I could get away from them.
I also remember one dinner time they were sat talking about me and then they ganged up on me. They chased me round the playground until I couldn't run any more and then cornered me. This has traumatised me and I will never forget it. What made it worse was, the dinnerladies could see this happening yet they did nothing.
These 4 girls bullied me until they left my primary school and the whole 2 years of me getting bullied by them, made my life hell. I didn't want to go into school because I knew they were there.
At this point I had 4 older girls bullying me, a girl in my year bullying me and several other members of my class pointing out all my faults, as well as other dinner ladies being horrible towards me. By Year 6, I finally crumbled and ended going home every night and crying. The girl that started off bullying me kept taunting me during class, so I told her that if she didn't leave me alone. I would push her. So she followed me, she kept getting in my face and then kept trying to push me over. I turned back and pushed her to the floor. I wasn't an aggressive person and I still aren't. I'd just had enough. I then had a dinner lady shouting abuse at me over how I had pushed this girl over. She made me feel terrible about myself and she still hates me to this day. I was still getting pushed and shoved about by these other 4 girls and I just couldn't do anything about it.
Another incident was when this girl who I pushed over, pulled my hair and so I pulled hers back and I got the blame. I didn't start it but I still got the blame. Everything was always my fault.
In year 6 I had one good friendship and that got broken as I was going to another school. I ended up going to the same school in the end but that's another story. There was then arguments and friction between my best friend and we ended up not even being friends. I then had other people having a go at me for this when really it wasn't my fault.
In the final few months of me leaving my primary I had a cover lesson with this teacher that despises me to this day (she on the other hand was a teaching member of staff, but not my actual teacher) this one day, I had, had a really bad day. I had been bullied by those 4 girls, that girl that I pushed over and the whole class was basically against me. I had been so close to crying so many times that day and was just sick and tired of everything. It was the French lesson we had with this teacher and I fell off my chair - she had a massive go at me and I was again reduced to tears.
My Nana then found out about me getting bullied and it really affected her, she got so upset and she was paranoid about me going to school. She went into school with my auntie and complained to school although my head teacher wasn't in and they ended up speaking to the teacher who I had for the cover lesson who had a go at me. She basically told my Nana that I "Loved being alone" which was not the case at all and she basically made me out to be a bad person. The bullying didn't stop but I was so relived to leave my primary school.
I was so glad to be going to a different school where none of these people would be at but then some things happened that summer and I ended up not being able to go. I ended up starting my high school that I am at now and the bullying commenced again.
I had made new friendships in this high school and I still had the same girl who had bullied me throughout primary on my back. It wasn't nice and she got lots of people in my year to hate me. I also had other girls having a go at me and then other things happened.
In Year 7-8 This boy bullied me, through no fault of my own. He bullied me because he thought I had "broken up his relationship" this was a horrible time for me, as I had nothing to do with his relationship. It was scary in the fact that he shouted abuse at me in the street, down the corridors and he even came to my house, shouting abuse at me and banging on my front door so loud. I was so, so scared and it was a horrible time. I couldn't speak to anyone about it and although the policy is to "prevent bullying" it still happened. Also in this time a teacher called me "thick" and my confidence was already at rock bottom. A teacher also shouted abuse at me and that has scarred me for life.
By this point, My dad found out about the bullying I was suffering and he was really concerned. He was quite angry that I hadn't told him before but to be honest he could see it took me all my time to get a few little words out without bursting into tears. I cried to my Dad about it and that was when I started to feel really bad about myself. I don't like opening up to people very much and so for both my Nana and Dad finding out - it was really hard.
By Year 9 everything had seemed to settle down but oh no, this girl started cropping back into the equation and I told her to leave me alone. It finally got fixed, kind of and she still glares at me to this day but doesn't say anything to me. Along with being bullied I have had others pick on me in the process, arguments and friendships broken and all that jazz. I remember some nights I would sit on Facetime to some of my friends and just cry because certain people were bullying me. Not only at this time was I getting bullied in person but I was also getting cyber-bullied. I had people tweeting me horrible, horrible things and to be honest I didn't need all this on top of everything else.
In Year 10 another 2 boys decided to pick on me - one of them told me that I was "thick" and that I had been "dropped into a lower group" he shouted abuse at me throughout the whole of the year and then the other boy did the same, he said I was a "suck up" and that I was like a "dyson hoover" and had shouted other horrible things about me. When I got my results in August literally all he talked about was me and my results because he was jealous. He still speaks spiteful things about me but I just ignore him. He didn't get the grades he wanted, he didn't even pass, so I feel like before he makes judgements about other people, maybe he should focus on himself.
So now I'm in Year 11 and hopefully this year will be a great end to things, I've had a lot of tears throughout both primary and secondary and I hope nobody has to feel the way I did. There is some other things that occured but I don't feel like sharing them at this moment in time. I've found it extremely difficult typing all this up. I just want to say a massive thank you to you lovely people who read my blog because without you, this would never had been shared and your comments and support mean a lot to me. I want to thank my best friend Em and my other friends Emma, Chloe, Keavy, Shaunie, Jemma and Freya for making me the very happy, smiley individual that I am today. I have my good days and my bad days but all of you people get me through it, I love them/you all.
If you are getting bullied or you have been bullied in the past I just want to say; I know how it feels and you need to stay strong because you will get through it <3
If you are still with me at the end of this post, well done to you!
I hope this post will help a few people, I love you all <3
.PNG)
.PNG)
